Friday, July 22, 2005

The Last Box

Packed, sealed, signed. Now it just needs to be delivered. It took only 4 boxes to pack my life up. It makes it seem quite significant, but coming from my box room (It's as long as me, and I'm 5 foot 4!) its special. I still have some of my CDs out, and I'm itching to listen to Razorlight. I can't believe I'm actually leaving this house. Even though everything is packed, the house looks really messy. I'm moving to Feltham, but the house is lovely and I'm getting a bigger room. Its been my home for 14 and as far as things go its the most constant thing in my lifetime. It was my grandparents first home when they moved from Jamaica, my Dad grew up, flew the nest and bought it back from my grandparents when I was three. And now I'm leavng.

I haven't got long! Tomorrow is moving day AND its my first Global Graduates seminar. Very challenging. No internet for two weeks as well, sorry. I'm going to try and get better. Healthier, etc. Bye! Be lovely!

Betty xx

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Half Blood Prince: A Steady Reaction - No Spoilers...

I am a bit of a loss for words.

I couldn't get to the book as soon as 12.01. Not even 12:02 am. Firstly, I had to like sleep. (Didn't fall asleep until 4 am anyway...) No, I was seeing someone I've wanted to see for years, and not even Potter 6 could sway me. It was quite weird, but I just felt so normal with Nik that it turned out to be a really nice afternoon by the Thames, away from the scars of the bombs.

On the way home I went to Bond Street and fought through the crowds until I found Waterstones. I skipped in, and grabbed a optimistic looking HP before anyone could say otherwise, but was momentarily distracted by a section of Japanese authors. With a list of authors I bought one of the thousands already bought in that shop alone, even though I had missed all the people dressing up. It would have been fun to see them all together like that.

At last, I got home at 6pmish. And I read until I was force-fed Chinese food. Not questioning the fact that I was eating and not purging, I carried on until 2am. Turns out all I needed to survive was 5 minute naps, cherry drops and orange squash. Of course, I had my reading music to keep me awake (Maroon 5 and Beth Orton). But I decided I didn't want to get to the best part and become a mad-half asleep teenager wailing with a giant book in the middle of the night. (The men in the house don't READ. My Dad doesn't even know who Dumbledore is...)

I fell into a deep sleep, even though I didn't mean to! Dad woke me up. His teenage daughter, at half 9 in the morning. I got up went into this room, glared at him and went back to sleep. But I couldn't sleep. I thought, hell, lets read.

Three hours later (in complete silence, I might add), I was a watery wreck. My neck was unbearably tight. My chest heaved from holding back from sobbing. I felt quite hopeless. I re-read and re-read, watching .... everything go ... oh, go, so ... Only one thing could save me from wallowing for hours in this Evil, Enveloping Ending. I listened to Doves (The Sulphur Man (lyrics) - so appropriate, and Caught by the River (lyrics) - a real send off. I think I'd like this played at my funeral.). I felt my heart soar. I began to sing. Yes! Sing along, like a drunk karaoke dudette.

As I eventually came downstairs, I still needed comfort. I felt I was still quite near back to the path of uncontrollable tears. Crunchy nut cornflakes and talking about our loss on Fictionalley (warning: full of spoilers, but lots of discussion! Some opinion of mine here.) was good. Then I saw all these boxes and I remembered that I'm moving in a week. That this was to be my last ever Sunday morning in my tiny blue room. We haven't started packing yet, and we had 14 years' worth of memories to pack up, so Dad sent me out to go for brown tape.

What ultimately made me feel better was the clear blue summer sky, full of dust - little squares of light that I always felt were looking out for me somehow, and I realised I'd be joining them someday. I wonder if they'll still be there in Feltham. So yes, if you too are grieving, don't feel sad, but Sing! Sing your favourite, the most happy song that you can think of. I did that, dancing down the empty sweltering Sunday street. I felt much better afterwards.

So, one last scream for the dearly departed...

SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!

Lol. That'll me entertained for ages. However, I have to go pack. What did y'all think? Spoiler warnings please!!

Friday, July 15, 2005

Harry Potter/Betty Browne


Ah, its all I do these days. It's too hot to go out and do anything constructive so I'm at the computer all day, reading about hot homosexual love between Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy. It's good stuff. Annoyingly, it seems like all of my favourites are ending at the same time.

My Favourites:

Underwater Light

White Horses

I couldn't recommend these stories enough. Romance, laughter, action and great-good writing. For those who don't know, slash is gay fanfiction, the title inspired from the pairings named with the names separated by a - geddit?

My favourite pairings are Harry/Draco, Ron/Hermione (in the background), Remus/Severus and Sirius/Remus. It's a strange world.

There are also very unsavoury pairings, such as Draco/Ginny (wtf?), and Twincest (George/Fred Weasley), characters pairing with themselves (there's some twisted philosophy in that somehow.). And then, there's Harry/Sirius and Harry with animals and it all goes very wrong after that. I love it. When you find really good ones its a new universe where you use characters and challenge them. The Slash universe loves Draco, for example. In the books he's a two-dimensional bully. In slash he's a charming, snappy guy with great one-liners, a cold explosive personality and a mad love for coffee. It's great. So, to hold off the excitement, I'll be reading slash, and more slash until I get cross eyed from all the sex. I shan't be gone for long. After all, it only took me 20 hours to read Order of the Phoenix. And this one is shorter, hmm I can't wait to sniff it (the smell of new books? *Sighs* *flumps*).

Anyway, readers (wherever you are, darlings) I will leave you with this quote and hope you all crack up completely:


There is a crack in everything;
That's how the light gets in.

-Leonard Cohen


Thursday, July 14, 2005

Too Damned Hot

Really, its been a hot day. Hot few days. It's my second summer of being forced to wear long sleeves and its been 25 degrees celsius PLUS almost everyday. I think I'm being punished.

I've been suffering from cabin fever. Nothing much to do, in a choked summer. I've already titled it: The Summer of the Sitting Duck. Because of Global Graduates I've actually got lots on but I have nothing to do because of all the random dates, meaning I can't get a steady job. And with the tube being all messed up I can't travel easily to anywhere, and I'm very lethargic.

I've given myself several books to read, which I'm too hot to write now, but I will tell about all the ice-cream I've been having: Vanilla Ice Cream with Kinder Bueno chunks: Gah! (Falls into a breezier heaven). The rats however (who pop through the fence whenever it suits them less than a metre! away from me and the computer) are also having a good day. I've just watched a giant rat (about half the size of a possum) drag away a small plastic cup full of poison. Ah, well, more ice cream is due. And I've got to organize for hopefully, a Harry Potter Sixth Book Bash! And meeting Nik after 3 YEARS, and somehow making my way to Russell Square...toodles.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Political Confuzzlement

Calling all bloggers

It's been a couple of days. I'm in Ealing, miles from the action and so I can't say much. We've all been very good, but some sort of tired, lethargy has come to take over our senses. Many people are angry, with their own ideas and prophecies and who we are. Everyone claims to be right.


(I just love this)

I take this opportunity to say I really do love Lioness - she's a strong passionate woman and I hope to be something like her one day. But right now, I do not have the hate in her heart. And I am not an Israeli. I don't think any Londoners are actually thinking like that. We think of the politicians we voted in for (NOTE: Blair got in on 35% of the vote - thats 25% of the electorate. The lowest percentage ever in British political history. More people voted him out than in, that was thanks to our electoral system.) and the choices they made.

You always think why? Why Iraq and not Zimbabwe? I agree that things needed to be done, but with such arrogance! You feel as if its a game to them, like they watched too many Hollywood movies. This whole Israeli/Palestinian situation I don't understand. Such hate can only have religious foundations and fundamental fuck-ups. I dare not side with anyone cos I never understand the need to kill anybody. Thats my fundamental belief.

But you know what has me confused right now? The results of the G8 summit. They're quite terrible. Bob Geldof seems pleased but I know it's know what he wanted at all. They certainly didn't double the aid, and they are asking the debt-released countries to open their markets first before opening theirs. This can't be good. Their markets will be so open (think of it like a lady opening her long legs) they will get screwed over. Unfair trade will ruin them, and whenever the G8 countries open up their markets, the economy of the poorer countries will be so weak it'll take much longer for them to recover. Thats not fair.

The answer could be that the G8 countries open up their markets to these poorer countries, and have the poorer countries put up tariffs until they recover and become something like equals. Made trade biased to the poorer countries until you they can trade equally. Thats my idea. What do people think about it? And why the hell won't Bush even comprehend that climate change is happening and that its BAD? America is a country full of entrepreneurs who I bet have tons of ideas to save our planet. They're denying them.

And now the whole terrorist thing. True, it's naive to believe that negotiating with terrorists is possible. And that Islam is a warrior religion. From my point of view, Christianity is just as bad, and fundamentalists on both sides can be just as callous and cold and evil as each other when provoked, when given a reason, a purpose they cannot ignore from some invisible man.

But my political confuzzlement comes from the fact that I'm only 17 with a lifetime of experience ahead of me and a fucked up mind to deal with. And the fact that my ideas about trade seem so plausible and easy, but of course nothing is easy when political bureaucracy gets in the way. We're so greedy and our minds (I have to say, Blair's heart is in the right place and Gordon Brown is being brilliant) are just derailed by this. And despite our intentions we're going down the road of terror and needless death and fear. We're falling down this tunnel at 150 miles per hour.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions, after all. What is the road to heaven paved with? Rubies? Good luck? Invisible will? Furballs?!

Friday, July 08, 2005

And So On

Yesterday is like a dream.

Everyone is making jokes - no one is scared shitless. "Fear spreads from East to West, North to South", the "Brand-Spanking-New organized European based terrorist group formally known as Al-Qu'eeda proclaims.

Actually, we join together North to South, East to West, you thought wrong. I mean, come on. We've been beat up, blown up, set on fire, rioted time and time again. You, whoever you are, your Cuntish behaviour is not going to destroy this grand, tough-as-old-boots-city.

We are in fact infulging (indulging with feeling) in our revenge right now. We're going to work. Thousands of people went to work yesterday. They went to their office jobs, they answered telephone calls. It was almost normal.

Millions of people are out in force today. We can use our legs, and our boats and our buses which have been stupendous, I must say. Our revenge involves water coolers and looking up jokes on the internet. We are drinking Frappuccinos and reading the papers. We are still very concerned about Africa.

London is full of intellectuals, arseholes, have-a-go-heroes. There is a ton of religion bubbling away - whoever said two religions live side by side is wrong: what about Judaism (sp? it just seems wrong), Sikhs, Hindus, Buddhists, Taoists, Orthodox, the list goes on. And the lists don't matter - we all helped each other. And we are mourning, and we are searching. And we will find you. My heart goes out to the 50 + people who have needlessly lost their lives, the 700 + who have been injured and their families.

Bloggers have united. I like this. It feels like an online army of information and opinions, even if we have no central place. We are all checking up on each other. And its only morning.

Some Messages of Support

And a good blog post here

Londoners who want stuff on travel, go to www.tfl.co.uk or this blog

Thursday, July 07, 2005

London Blasts



What the Hell is going on?

Bombs, bombs. Four blasts, not seven. The tube has been completely cut off. I have to say I'm quite ...scared. Maybe because I had to use a bus, and I saw what they did to the 30 bus from Hackney.








I was really worried cos my brother had disappeared and he wasn't answering my calls. My Dad was gone off to...couldn't find him. And mum wasn't answering her phone. But I've found everyone now, and everyone is good. But now I can't stop thinking about those unlucky Londoners who keep calling, and keep calling, knowing that their loved one was in Edgware, having a coffee, or in Aldgate going to work. They will never get through.


Today was my last day in College. I was stuck in suburbia. Being miles away, yet so close to home I felt detached from the whole situation. Even at Woolworths (I was havng serious hunger pangs) Cliff Richard's "Summer Holiday" was playing, this dear old lady behind me singing along. It was SURREAL.

So surreal, the traffic wasn't too bad until I got to Ealing Broadway. No one is freaking out. I'm Ok, so is my brother, my Dad and the rest of my family. I was freezing but now I've had hot chocolate and cookies. I'm fine. It's just that I have some friends and people from Children's Express who live right by Kings Cross, people who would use the 30 bus, especially at that time in the morning.


On the whole Londoners have been making jokes and just watching the TV and the radio with true intent. Many people like me, are nervously hungry. Inappropriate jokes include a Bitter Jacques Chirac. We're even speculating on why this was quite a low-key attack. Us Londoners have been expecting this sort of thing for a long time. Half of the London Met Police are up at Gleneagles, so we're looking after themselves. We're even taking pictures on our mobile. We're all somehow communicating to each other. I myself was directing tourists to the right buses, I'm glad I know the area so well. And now the sun has come out. I'm going to try and upload some pictures.

Everyone is supporting each other. Like someone on BBC News said, Londoners are very resilient. On the whole we're good with emergencies and crazyness like this. Dad is quite fed up cos there's no tea. One of friends from my politics class, is supposed to see his best friend performing for the first time. I was meant to be going to karaoke. Being that its a thursday, we'll all be together tonight.

- 33 confirmed fatalities - at least. The bus blast (the top picture) hasn't been fully counted yet. It's just so callous! On normal people like myself and my friends. Teachers and secretaries and bank clerks.

- NOT all London buses are fucked, but Central London is just off-limits. A few years ago Ealing Broadway got bombed by the IRA. It took months till we got back on track. Everything is just stuck.

- Eyewitness Accounts. Absolutely horrifying. I'm just typing for the hell of it. I don't know how long I can just sit and look at the TV. But yeah, I'm ok.

UPDATE - 7:31 PM

- I'm signing off now, all of this terrorism has left me really tired. Its been the maddest week: My college went random and I went to Live 8, I managed to go to the London Dungeons without paying (the city was gorgeous that day...) and my friend got appendix problems and is in hospital. Then my Dad went to Luton and my brother disappeared and I thought I had lost them both. Then I went loopy last night over a cut that needs stitching. Now this has happened and college is over.

I am so proud to be British right now. At the back of my mind is the Olympics, we have it, I'm going to see it, I'll be old enough to try and get a job on it, it's great. And us Londoners have been a calm resilient bunch, saving ourselves, and going to work, carrying people and running down the motorway with our suitcases trying to reach Heathrow. But we will strike back very hard. I know it. I've been on forums on the internet - we are seething. Because I'm a Londoner, along with 13 million others, we are wanted dead by crazed religious fundamentalists - I thought the world had changed and some sense had kicked after thousands of years of fighting. Thats just not on. People are even going on about joinging the army. And now Blair will be able to do anything he wants as long as he links them to the bombs. Here come ID cards. Bah.

Ok, Londoners. We're doing a great job, and I'm sure we'll get through this. Just get with your loved ones tonight and tell your stories tomorrow. I'll post later, especially if I get big news later on.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Feminist Fascism

Well.

I've just been reading this article on guardianunlimited.co.uk. It's a very interesting article. I guess I've always been a feminist to one degree or another, and that mainly was in rebellion to my Dad's (and now my brother's) infuratingly traditionalist views. You'd think after experiencing racism which many BNP dudes believe is "tradition" they would be more progressive. Hell, homosexuality could be seen as tradition if you're gonna go all the way back to the Ancient world. Didn't that build all the building blocks, and all the fuck-upity-ness of this bruised earth? I digress. Give this article a read. Believe me, you may not agree with all of it, some of it will make you angry cos its so stupid and offensive to lesbians like myself, who chose to be lesbian because we find ourselves with that sex not to piss off men - it would be ironic if our sexual lives involved not touching men but having our subconscious be so full of them. (curious? read the link!!)

Like I said before, I've always been a bit of a feminist. But what does that mean these days? It's such a negative image you don't know if you'll be accepted. And when that thought crosses my mind I start to get worried. Her whole point is how men are keeping hold on their power and how women are letting themselves become lesser peoples through make-up and plastic surgery. Heroin chic is now Rape chic. I am now addicted to pink. But how do I know I'm being brainwashed? To me, pink is pretty colour and it matches my skin tone. I think its cute, and bold, and pretty. Its not a subconscious decision enforced by the tyranny of the media presented myself as an subordinate tool. Come and get me, boys! Oh, and it's 'spread' to lesbians as well. Why can't we enjoy wearing pink, or shaving our armpits not because we want to impress but because we don't want to stink as the hairs retain it.

And whats so bad about impressing the opposite/same sex? I don't want to be single all my life, I'm not a celibate person by choice. Maybe wearing pink is not just subordinate buggery, but its the doomed ditch in my genes as well! What the fuck? I just liked the skirt in Primark, a bargain at £10. It matched my shoes. It made me feel good about myself. I could walk down the street with pride in that pink skirt cos I feel I look good. I will also go out on the street in my jeans, or my tracksuit bottoms to fetch a glass of milk looking so rough I scare myself sometimes. I love female Y-fronts. I think butch girls are kind of hot, but so are femme girls. I would wear men's clothes if they look good on me, just like that old jacket I used to have. (my Man Jacket) That doesn't make me a housewife, or a female fascist who needs to hate something to explain things, it means I like pink and Man Jackets.

Get over it.

(Comments?)

Sunday, July 03, 2005

My Live 8

I'm trying to figure out how to write this. I could talk about the fight against political correctness (Ie: the prescence of beer, and the pure enjoyment of sneaking it past security. More appallingly, watching the Cars video. Some people in tears, some in awe, and some cracking in joke, the music drowning out their laughter.)

There were also boos - against Mariah. And Many Pink Floyd fans were appalled at Robbie Williams...why did the Killers only play one song? (that got big boos), why were the Kaiser Chiefs in Philadelphia and Mariah Carey in London?

It's 2 minutes past 2pm. I am absolutely exhausted. I am so tired I am wavering on the keyboard. I've been up, pretty much all night. Live 8 was...MEGA, GRANDIOSE, BEAUTIFUL, TRUE. It was absolutely BRILLIANT.

As you know, my best friend won tickets so I came with her. We packed sandwiches, bottles of water, notebooks and pens and money and sweets. We met up at a piccadilly line station and managed to get to Hyde Park corner without any real trouble. We even managed to find our way into the right queue. What a queue - all we saw were heads as we slowly moved forward for hours. Across the road was London Pride. I wish I could have gone, being as I haven't even done it yet, and by the time I do I'll be 18 which is quite pathetic. Most gay people are quite jaded by the age of 18. So across the road they were in bright pink, or glittery floats, in leather, in heels - woah, brainfreeze... I think I flirted with a couple of them.

Of course there was the odd homophobic/crazy Catholic going on about marriage and repentance and the Apocalypse etc etc, and quite a few people were annoyed about Pride interfering with all their fun. Whatever. We even got interviewed by a very nice, and very pretty BBC radio journalist - if you heard anything about sandwiches or about a person called Ria that would be me. Anyways, by the time we got into the actual park I realised the view won't be so brilliant. The ground was swimming with tabloid papers and when we got to the actual site thousands of people were there already who must have camped out or got up at the crack of dawn. After stepping on everyone we found ourselves stuck behind a giant lights pylon thingy and speakers so we couldn't actually see anything. If we wanted to see the artists faces, we had to look at one of the screens. I hate to say it, but I hardly saw any black people - I think I saw...6 black people among all of the heads (excluding the acts). But you know what? I got over that.

I'm not sure what was wrong with the crowd. I think they felt hard done by as the golden circle got the best view and all got was a screen, it could have been the horrid grey sky. The audience was quite unrecpetive. Me and Ria waltzed on the spot for people like REM and Everybody Hurts, but everyone just gave us weird looks and just stood there. Stereophonics were fantastic. This was at the point I was feeling disappointed. But the gorgeous Welsh rockers brought me right back up.

The crowd seemed to know their music very well. When it started at two with cuts from Live Aid we all sang and clapped along (Ah, for the want of Queen.) It seemed that all the songs, we sang along, clapped along. I'd say we were very obedient. And no one left their posts. In between acts we might find a small square for me and Ria, sitting on the bit of metal for the pylon site, next to this mad Robbie fan.

Ok:

Highlights:

Sting - Got me singing Message in a Bottle

Scissor Sisters - I heard a new song! Finally all of the crowd was dancing. And...they brought the blue sky out

Stereophonics - Truly rocked out. I have to see them in concert now.

Coldplay - I wish they stayed. Sigh...But at least they played Fix You. I would have loved the Scientist though.

Elton John - I'm not ashamed I was dancing to Elton John. Pete Doherty was wasted but not as pale, and...actually sang the song. But I wish he'd just get over himself and get some decent friends.

Keane - Watching the pianist rock out his piano, classic. Bedshaped brought out the emotion in everyone.

The Who - Showed us how it was supposed to be done. I hadn't had fun like that in way too long...well...

Pink Floyd - Blew Me Away. Ria is way more into them. Everytime she started to drift away I would just say Pink Floyd and she would squeal. Putting them last really tested the fans I think. After all, they hadn't played in 24 years, and may never will again. This made us stay despite Mariah Carey and the blank, smug face of Robbie Williams (however, the mad lady in black who had seen him in Knebworth and was a real screamer was definitely great entertainment. And, she knew all the songs we loved.)

Razorlight - So, so hot. Ria agrees, but she's in love with the bassist
Travis was a laugh, but it started to drizzle just after Why Does it Always Rain on Me? and I got worried. From what we got in Philadelpia, Kaiser Chiefs were quite stupendous. I think what annoyed the Hyde Park was that many wanted to see people who weren't performing, like Muse and The Cure. I didn't see them at all!

My favourite bit is when Bob Geldof came on with the girl who was about to die in the Cars video. What struck was her beauty, her intelligence and her strength. She didn't just survive - you can tell she thrived. And, she had the most beautiful smile, I swear. How can people possibly argue to leave people like her to die. Money gets through if you give it to the right source.

It's time for change, and I think its very possible. If the leaders can stop being sympathetic despots, then they will open their trade, drop the debts and somehow get rid of these other Tyrants in power taking the money from the countries who need it so badly. And to stop themselves from exploiting all the beauty, talent and assets these countries have. With the music, the natural resources and the creativity of the people of Africa they should be the richest nation. They simply cannot be exploited like this anymore, and people are really taking notice. I think, that Gordon Brown and Blair are doing a good job. They're getting started. They were working on this way before Live 8 - this is to the benefit of other countries, especially America and Russia.

It's pretty straightforward for once:

Fair Trade. Cancel Debt. Double Aid.


I haven't got a problem with that. I can't get to Edinburgh, but protestors, I'm begging you, give 'em hell. Make sure they don't get away with half-baked promises and Conservative compromises. Please. 50,000 are dying needlessly everyday. A number almost too great to comprehend, happening all the time.

Nah, I think it'll be alright.

Let's hope so.



And that, was my Live 8. One of the best days of my life.